TWD Chocolate Whopper Malted Drops

My oven and I are not on speaking terms. 

Granted, since I moved in with him in July, our conversations have been rather one-sided. A lot of me calmly explaining (yelling) that when I set the temperature to, let's say, 350, he's supposed to heat up to 350, or thereabouts. 

The grouchy oven, who I have taken to calling Oscar,  generally responds in groans and grumbles, mumbling things I can't comprehend under his not-so-hot breath. 

Every one of our encounters has been a negotiation, and for the most part that has worked. I guess my way around bumping up the time and temp; Oscar gives me something hot and delicious. Our relationship is a work in progress. Or it was until Sunday, I should say. 

This weekend I attempted my second Tuesdays With Dorie recipe, Chocolate Whopper Malted Drops as chosen by Rachel of Confessions of a Tangerine Tart. The dough came together really well, taking on a fudge-like consistency that almost persuaded me to chill it in the freezer and eat it raw, and it looked really beautiful with the chunks of dark chocolate and malted milk balls, looking like Willy Wonka-designed jewels, tossed in. 

And best of all the cookies were supposed to have a baking time of less than 15 minutes, sweet and hot and perfect for a Sunday morning snack. (Who says no dessert after breakfast?)

But at 11 minutes, the mounds of dough were still raw and just lukewarm to the touch, if slightly melted. By 13, they were starting to spread into thin, flabby chocolate discs. By 15, when the dough had set just enough to resemble cookies but not quite enough to not ooze chocolate when poked and prodded, I started to panic. I left them another 20 minutes, periodically giving Oscar the eye, then pulled them out in hopes that they would firm up a bit when cool. 

The second batch, in the oven for 25 minutes, didn't fare much better, and the third - did I mention Oscar can't handle more than one baking sheet at a time? - after baking for a whopping 35 minutes, finally gave me something that didn't leak pudding when pulled from the baking sheet. 

I was frustrated. And when I get frustrated, I experiment. Batches 1 and 2 got piled into one big baking dish, flipped bottom up. I upped the temperature in hopes that a blast of heat to the dark, goopy underbellies would at the very least hold together. All I got was more goop.

Luckily, the goop was chocolate so I still got my morning "cookie," except instead of dunking it in a cup of tea, I slurped it up with a spoon. 

And Oscar... well, I stopped talking to him after batch 2 and he stopped his grumblings not too long after. I think we need counseling. Or maybe I should just get a thermometer. 

***

Chocolate Whopper Malted Drops

From Dorie Greenspan's Baking: From My Home to Yours

Sorry, no recipe for this one either. But I do have a few words of advice for anyone who has Dorie's book and a working oven and a mind to make these cookies. If I had to make them again, I'd leave out the chopped bittersweet chocolate. Melted, they didn't really help my "goop" situation and just made the cookies super chocolatey, what some (I) would call too chocolatey. I swear there's such a thing. 

On the bright side, these cookies will change the mind of anyone who hated the dry, chalky, tooth cracking explosion that are malted milk balls as a child. (I always tried to trade my stash of Whoppers for Sugar Daddies after trick-or-treating.) Apparently, when they melt, they get sticky and caramel-y... I don't know why I like the most unladylike candies, the ones I have to pull out of my teeth eventually. But if you're anything like me, you'll be a Whopper convert after tasting one of these cookies.